Dear Dog Lady,
My husband and I just adopted Bishop, a one year-old cocker spaniel, from a local animal shelter. This is my first pet, and I did a lot of thinking before we made this commitment. He's a very good dog -- housebroken, loving, and smart -- and I have no reason to complain.
But I thought I'd bond immediately with this dog. Instead, I've been feeling depressed. It's not a constant thing. Sometimes I'm really happy about having him, and I always feel love and concern for him. But I have trouble sleeping and eating, and whenever we leave the house, all I can think about is how he's behaving while I'm away. Is this normal? Will I adjust the longer we have the dog?
—Holly

Dear Holly,
Any new relationship comes with the inevitable strain of adjustment. Your dreams of a dog can clash with the reality of having a dependent creature under your roof. In the struggle to bond, resentment arises—and guilt because the dog is so innocent and, as you describe Bishop, loving and smart.
Dog Lady had great difficulty accepting a new dog into her life. Mr. Dog Lady was more gung-ho about adopting another dog after beloved Shorty passed away. Dog Lady dragged her feet for two years, mired in grief for Shorty and enjoying the new found freedom of dog-less-ness. Dog Lady could sleep as late as she wanted. She didn't need to worry about a creature sucking all the air out of her life. Finally, Mr. Dog Lady prevailed and Dexter, a dog who needed a safe haven, came home. Now, there is no imagining life without Dexter. The memory of Shorty remains strong but Dexter owns hearts.
Bonding with another person is difficult; bonding with another species can be impossible at first. Stick it out. When you finally feel that joyful tie to your pet, you will never go back to the pet-less life.

Dear Dog Lady,
After our dog, a four-year-old English bulldog, jumped and knocked down Grama, my husband wants to get a shock collar thinking we could train him not to jump on people. I do not like shocking a dog for training. Please give me your opinion.
—Verna

Dear Verna,
Shock collars are hurtful and punitive. The device, which sends an electric shock through the dog to stop unwanted behavior, is not a humane way to correct bad behavior in your dog. Training should be accomplished in a positive way so you can live better with your pet. If your bulldog is afraid of you and your shock control, the purpose of having a companion animal seems somehow defeated.
What's positive training? Giving treats for sitting and staying when Grandma pops in. Use her arrival as a teachable moment and command the bulldog to sit and stay. Stay focused on the dog until he behaves. Offer a food treat if the dog performs. You are the key to your dog's good behavior and you must stay on top of your pet when visitors come over. If you don't want to train, at least keep the dog on a leash or in another room. People come first and you don't want a jumping dog and a broken hip to ruin family relations.

Write: askdoglady@gmail.com.